Wednesday 22 November 2017

The Awakening

                The Awakening             

As a cold, dead leaf dropped suddenly onto Alyra’s tanned face she woke with a jolt. As her eyes got focused on her surroundings she realised that she was in a shallow-ish pit that was filled to the brim with rotting corpses that were black with decay. While she was trying to recall where she was without puking as the smell of death smothered her. She heard a twig snap. It echoed in the dark and deadly forest that she was in. She felt her second emotion of the day, fear. She knew there could be anyone and anything in the dark unknown.

So she was very surprised when a doe walked out. It teetered awkwardly on the edge of the pit. Suddenly midget stag came and stuck his antlers into the the torso of the doe and dragged her away with great difficulty. Blood dripped onto Alyra’s weather beaten face and into her dry mouth, it tasted very salty, with a hint of raspberry. She saw darkness creeping around her vision, felt herself fall and knew nothing more.

Bright lights, just spots in the dark, blurry images that turned to sharp, clear people, then a warm but fuzzy sound that turned into, words.
“Good morning Miss, I’m your doctor, Esta.  You are in Northern District Hospital. You were found in the woods in a pit of dead bodies. You seem to have amnesia and a minor concussion and no other injuries. Might I also say that is a beautiful manaia necklace.”

Alyra couldn’t fathom the fact that she was in hospital and she was okay. She kept flashing back to the doe getting impaled by the midget stag and getting dragged away, the black eyes lifeless and dull. She saw a person of no apparent gender walk towards her and start to wail. It was such a pitiful sound that made her want to start crying for all eternity. She started to twitch then shudder and scream. Then a sudden stab in her arm made her float away into the dark depths of her own mind.

When Alyra woke for a second time she was in a bed in a house she didn’t recognise. Alyra saw that she had a bite mark on her slim neck when she looked into a mirror. Her hands started to turn grey-black she panicked. She blacked out but she was still standing. She heard a familiar voice, “Calm down it isn’t as bad as it looks.” She was suddenly sitting on a bed and a man that looked about twenty-five who she recognised but couldn’t place was kneeling in front of her. “It’s okay, this will be hard to take in, but you’re now a vampire.”

The man that was talking noticed that Alyra was very silent and rushed to explain. “ Well I couldn’t help it, I hadn’t fed on blood for a while. When I came to the hospital to pick you up it just flashed by, one second you were in the back seat talking. Then you were in my arms with delicious blood running down your neck”
“ Funny how I can’t remember any of this happening.”
“That’s because when a human gets bitten by a werewolf or vampire they fall unconscious and can not remember anything.”

As the man was talking Alyra zoned out as she was trying to understand all the weird things that had happened to her over the last few days. First she wakes up in a pit of corpses with amnesia. Then wakes up in hospital with a doctor staring at her while she slept. Suddenly she is a vampire. She decided that she would do three things no matter how long it took her. #1 Remember everything #2 Find a cure for being a vampire. #3 Find her family.
“Who are you anyways?”
“Are you joking?”
“No”
“Oh sorry I forgot, my name is Lucifer, I am your father”
Number three done she thought. She suddenly heard a shrill ringing in her ears then the house exploded in flames.

Lucifer and Alyra’s mother Marissa were by her bedside in the hospital. She had been in a coma for three weeks and she hadn’t woken up.  Alyra had all these scary tubes coming in and out of her body like writhing snakes stuck in the same position trying to get free, the beeping sound of the life support machine stuck itself in their heads.
“Beep! Beep! Beep!”
Lucifer struggled with his difficult crutches as he tried in vain to comfort Marissa while she sobbed quietly into Alyra’s bed sheets.
“ Are you ready?”

The sound of the doctor speaking gently startled them. They nodded silently. The doctor turned off the life support and the steady rising and falling of her chest stopped. She was gone forever. Marissa ran out of the room sobbing loudly. Lucifer stayed holding on to Alyra’s hand until it was feeding time then he left.
Disclaimer- Aylra was cremated.
By Hazel.

10 comments:

  1. Hi Hazel,

    I liked your narrative about Alyra,it was pretty funny, weird and confusing at the same time. You used lots of adjectives which put a pretty vivid image,like a movie in my head. In the second paragraph when you said suddenly midget stag, you should have put a comma after suddenly and then put a behind midget. Other than that your story was awesome.

    Your Sincerely,

    Finn

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  2. Kia ora Hazel my name is Lennix and I am from Paihia School I really like your story about The Awakening it is very interesting I hope you do some more long scary stories.

    From Lennix

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  3. Hi Hazel,
    Im Ava and I go to Paihia School,I really like your story
    called The Awakening it's really cool,I also like how you described a lot of what was going on. It's a very long story to.

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  4. Hello Hazel
    I really enjoyed your narrative about Aylra. It is a very detailed, emotional, and scary story. You should be proud of yourself for writing it. It was a bit confusing how she turned into a vampire then dies though. Apart from that it is definitely one of the best creepy stories I’ve read.

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    Replies
    1. Hello Freya, sorry that it was confusing, the reason she died was because she was a fledgling and she needed to complete the full transformation then die to become dead therefore immortal but since she only got turned on the same day as the explosion she never had the chance to fully transform. The transformation takes three months. Thank you for commenting on my blog. From Hazel.Sorry that this was late.

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  5. Kia Ora Hazel,my name is Tessa and I go to Paihia School. I really like your story it is a little bit creepy,sad and descriptive. It was definitely the best creepy sad story I've ever read. THanks for sharing. Maybe next time maybe next time add some more punctuation.

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  6. Kia Ora Hazel
    My name is Sonny boy
    Hi Hazel I like the way that you write the story and I like the way that you put capital letters.

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  7. Hello Hazel,
    My name is Viva, I go to Panmure Bride School. I like the way that you put in the right punctuation marks in the correct places! Well done! But the only change you nee to is As her eyes WERE focused' instead of "As her eyes GOT focused" Thank you...

    Maybe you could check out my blog http://pbsvivanisiv.blogspot.co.nz/
    Great work! Keep it up!.

    - Viva

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  9. Hello Hazel.
    My name is Sanujan and I am from Panmure Bridge School.
    I am really impressed by the way how you described Alyra and her surrounding using powerful words. I also love the punctuation you've added into your piece of writing. It would be awesome if you could make the size of your font smaller, so that it is easier to read your story fast.

    It would also be great if you could have a look at my blog and comment on one of my posts.

    Thank You, and also well done on writing that amazing story.
    Keep It up
    Yours Sincerely
    Sanujan

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Thank you for your positive, thoughtful, helpful comment.